My new life starts tomorrow (!)

It's finally here! 

Tomorrow, I get on an airplane (well, actually two airplanes) and travel to my new home on Vancouver Island. Weeks, months and years of plotting, scheming, dreaming and preparation culminate in tomorrow's transition from "old life" to "new life."

Our family will live under one roof again! We can unpack our boxes and crates and suitcases! I can let go of the logistical lists in my brain -- What's packed where? What still needs to be sold/given away? What needs to be shipped when and by what method? What keys need to be returned? Accounts closed? Thank-yous delivered? Good-byes said? Hugs hugged? How will we fit all these end-of-the-school-year items in our suitcases? -- and maybe relax for a day, or thirty, or a hundred-and-sixty-three.

This dream of moving to BC started with Marc's first motorcycle trip out there, and grew during our first family vacation to Nelson. The climate, the lushness, the opportunities to be outdoors without our faces hurting or being bitten by a bazillion bugs, the slow and gentle pace of life, the lack of harshness, of mere survival through several months of the year...it all called to us.

The whole drive home from the Kootenays that summer, we planned how we could move...what would need to sell/unload/downsize, what kind of work we could do, where Chloe would go to school...and by the time we got home to the farm two days later, practicalities set in and we stayed put. We had good jobs. We just built our forever farm house. Our families are close by. Our friends and doctors and vet and massage therapists and hair stylists and favourite restaurants are here. We have a good life. 

Then the next summer, it started again. And the next. Until we decided this was really a thing we wanted to do. So, Marc aggressively pursued employment, turned down a few offers that didn't quite get us where we wanted to be, until the perfect opportunity landed in his lap. He moved and started his new gig mid-September, while Chloe, Morris and I listed the house and farm for sale, purged the stuff, kept the house clean for showings and potential showings, and carried on with school and work and normal life stuff.

Then the farm sold (huzzah!) and things got real. Marc and our awesome, patient, knowledgeable realtor looked at many, many houses in Victoria, and once the cash cleared from the sale, we started putting in offers. We were disappointed when our "aggressive" offer on a great place in a great neighbourhood was outbid. That house went for $101,500 over asking. Yikes. Then, a place that worked for us appeared. Marc looked at it and Facetimed me through it. Then he drove back to the farm to help pack the house up. Through the magic of the interwebs and our awesome, patient, knowledgeable realtor, we put in an offer and had the winning bid. Huzzah again! 

I gave notice at my corporate gig. We had a big house-cooling party. We packed. We purged. We sold. We shipped. Morris and Marc returned to the Island. Chloe and I and four suitcases moved in with family to finish out the school year.

And that brings us to today. Last day of school. Last (full) day of Saskatchewan. It's fitting our move comes on a full moon, the Strawberry Moon. Full moons are times of release and cleansing; times of acknowledging what was with gratitude and then letting go to make way for the new; times of completion and creative closure. 

And so I reflect on my many years living on the Prairies, and how they've made me who I am.

Wide open spaces and endless skies ripe with possibility informed my sense of wonder, of I-can-do-and-be-anything-ness.

The strength of community coming together in times of sorrow, struggle and celebration is a given -- I know I will be caught if I fall or falter, and will create the community I need.

Practicality, hard work and perseverance engrained traits that will serve me well in figuring out a new city and province and what's next.

Connection to and respect for the land and the weather and all nature has to offer will provide me a lovely contrast for learning a new topography and climate and appreciation for the differences. 

This will always be the place I am from. It will remain my definition of home. Its beauty will fill my memories. Its people, MY people, will continue to fill my heart. I hope to be a proud and honourable representative of this place and people in my new chosen community and province. 

And I promise to visit. But probably not during winter. I don't like it when my face hurts. 

How to Feel Joy

Something I've noticed with some of my clients, and in my own life, is that some of us struggle to feel joy when it shows up in our lives. We tend to glance over it without even acknowledging it because we are on to the next thing on the to do list.

It's like we don't know how to be with good feelings. Weird, huh?

You'd think that people would LOVE to feel happy, excited, even blissful and ecstatic, but many of us skip right through it, over it, around it without actually spending any time revelling in it. 

With all the sadness, injustice and other bad shit happening in the world, I thought I'd write a little how-to on feeling joy. That way, when something good happens to us, we can squeeze all the goodness out of that occasion, which will serve to bolster us for the sad/bad/scary/unfair stuff that is bound to show up later. 

How to Feel Joy in 5 Easy-ish Steps

1. Notice it.

Some of us don't even notice when we are happy. We don't pay attention to our bodies, which send us information ALL THE TIME. Your body won't lie to you -- when you feel joyful, happy or any other flavour on the joy continuum, your body will give you signals. For me, everything rises: my eyebrows and eyelids, the corners of my mouth, my chest as my lungs fill, the tone and volume of my voice, my hands to wildly animate what I'm saying.

Your body may do something different -- tingles in your fingers and toes, flippity-flopping in your tummy, rapid breathing, giddy laughter. You get the idea. So, start noticing the messages your body is sending your mind. Notice your posture, temperature, pace of breathing, your energy level, and begin to recognize where joy lives in your body. You might begin to name the level or degree or type of joy you are experiencing: is it calm contentedness, or absolute ecstasy, or something in between? 

2. Be with it. 

Put down your device. Turn off other distractions. Be with the joy. Even if it feels uncomfortable at first. Joy is an emotion. Emotions are energy in motion. They bring us information that we can turn into thoughts, then actions, then behaviours. Joy asks us, "What wants to be celebrated or appreciated?" Let yourself sit in the emotion of joy as you listen for the answer.  

3. Stay in it.

Many of us have the next three (or 15) things to do lined up in our minds while we're doing the current thing. Allow yourself to put the to do's or other future thoughts (including worries about the joy disappearing) aside. Don't talk yourself out of feeling joy! Invite it in. Let it fill you up, or wash over you, or take up all your field of vision, or close your eyes and feel it surge through your body. Ask it to stay. And savour it for as long as it lasts. 

4. Thank it.

Offer your appreciation for the experience of feeling joy. You may want to thank the cause of the joy -- the event, person or other situation that allowed the joy to show up. Cultivating gratitude for what is will prime your body and mind to experience more joy in the future. You'll be better able to notice small moments of joy when you practice gratitude regularly.

5. Share it.

After you've lived your joy fully, tell someone else about your experience. This action will help the joy carry forward in your life, and it will spread to someone else's. Telling stories expands our experiences and helps embed them in our memories. We get to relive the joy -- in our bodies and minds -- each time we tell the story of it. So do! Imagine the awesome conversations we'd have if we all shared our most joyful moments with each other!

That's it. I'm hoping you find something to be joyful about today, and give yourself the gift of experiencing it fully. Then notice how things might shift in your life, and let me know how it goes. 

In love and light,

Jilly

Living in limboland

The winds of change are blowing across southern Saskatchewan and knocking all the dehydrated leaves off our trees. Because it has been so dry, they barely had a chance to change colour and they're tumbling across my yard and over the horizon. Fall is all but here, and today I felt the first hints of winter: single digit temperatures and an icy wind. AND IT IS STILL TECHNICALLY SUMMER. But this will be my last prairie fall, or Second Season of the Wind, so I'll take it. 

Our family is relocating.

It's a big change for us: hopping two provinces westward, embracing a different climate (huzzah!), creating new routines, forming new community and shifting our lifestyle. It's exciting and it fell into place after almost four years of tentative dreaming (after each summer vacation: wouldn't it be nice to stay here forever?), dedicated planning (husband working the network to get a new job; purging the house; number-crunching; letting go of our dream farm-future) and starry and planetary alignment (the job offer came on the eclipse!). 

But I'm living in limboland right now, and will be for the foreseeable future.

My husband left yesterday to relocate to our new life. 

I get to stay here in our "old" life, job, house and routines until our home/farm sells.

Then we'll all be reunited on a dreamy island off the west coast of Canada.  

Limboland is a weird place. I'm super duper excited about what's next -- after all, I'm a what's next kind of person (great starter, not such a strong finisher, because LOOK OVER THERE AT THAT NEW THING! I want to go there!), but I have to contain my excitement and not live too far into future, because the current/old life could continue for months, or maybe a year a more. And I will run out of enthusiasm/energy/optimism mid-way. 

So, I'm trying to keep smaller milestones in sight: Get the house listed. Get the man-friend packed up and off on his travels. Get the child settled into another school year. Get the projects done at work. Coach the amazing clients. Make the bed. Empty the dishwasher. Walk the dog. Sell the stuff. Sell the house. And still keep the dream alive. 

It's interesting to notice how I'm NOT COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT, ahem, how I'm embracing the un-planned-ness of my future -- once the house sells and I quit my full-time gig here, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S NEXT. There is no plan, other than a vague idea of ramping up my coaching practice and then... who knows? There is something totally scary AND freeing in the not knowing. 

I'm revelling in the idea of being a full-er-time coach, being able to walk my kiddo to and from school and kung fu and go kayaking some morning JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO. Maybe I'll host art-based coaching workshops from our new garage-turned-studio space...and teach meditation classes at the local rec centre....and write those other books I've been meaning to write.

Ditching the 8-5 office job seems a critical next and permanent step.

I'm especially looking forward to embracing a more minimal lifestyle. Being a single-car family, living in a smaller home with a smaller (non-farm) yard, enjoying more experiences and time with each other and less stuff. It means I won't need to be tied to that 8-5 grind because we won't be reliant on it. More freedom. 

I'm torn between starting new things here and now, and waiting until I've moved. So, I've tested out a few things to see if they shift the universe (i.e., send a buyer for our place), including:

• Getting new photos with the fabulously talented Michael Bell. The sprucing up of this site will follow soon. 
• Signing up for a kung fu class (my kid is attending one, and there's an adult class at the same time, so there really didn't seem to be a reason NOT to...)
• Collaborating to co-lead a women's retreat next spring in a forest near Vancouver (!!!)
• Buying an ungodly amount of delicious fancy-pants cheese from my pal Aleana at Takeaway Gourmet
• Committing to a new workout routine (Did you see the note about the cheese? Ugh.)

I'll keep you posted on the imminent move, and what it's like in between now and then, and then some. 

In love and light,

Jilly

Farewell Amy, and Thank You

My favourite children's author died today. And it hit me like a tonne of bricks, for some reason.

I was introduced to the incredible craft and beauty of Amy Krouse Rosenthal after our daughter entered our lives. We received a box set of Little Pea, Little Hoot and Little Oink from my brother. As soon as I read these gems, I was in love with her voice. You know when you read something and it sounds like the voice inside your head, and you think, I wish I had written this? Yeah, that. I was connected to the simple structure, humour and universality from the get-go. 

I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I had never visited her website until today. I felt I knew her through her work. I had never sought out more about her; her work speaks for itself. Imagine my delight to find reams of videos and other creative endeavours waiting to be discovered there, and the chance to know her more deeply! 

As I explored her site a little today, I found this, among other things. (I would make one edit, near the end, from "mankind" to "humankind"...otherwise, it makes my heart sing!) It was written and created several years ago, but I connected with her words and message immediately. They reflect my personal journey toward and into a meaningful life for the past several years, and especially lately.  

I was puzzled why I was so upset about her death today. I'd never met her. I wasn't stalking her every move on social media. I hadn't even been aware she was unwell. I haven't read everything she's every written or seen everything she's ever created. So what was up? I sat with it through most of the day, and came to this:

I realize I'm sad that she won't produce any more amazing work to add to the collection of kindness, beauty and delight she brought into this world.

She was only 51. I'm sad that her husband and children and extended family and friends and colleagues will miss her presence. Having recently been through the what-ifs, and the writing good-byes and capturing life advice and making videos as last mementos for my loved ones, I know her reality could have been mine a couple weeks ago. And that hits close to home. I imagine she felt the same things I was feeling about leaving too soon. And my heart breaks for her and her family. 

I'm sad because I will never have the chance to attend a writing class or a book signing or other event and meet her. I realize now, as I look at my vision board about my creativity and writing, which features two of my favourite of her books (Little Pea and Uni the Unicorn), that she really was who I was hoping to become, as a writer, anyway. And now she's gone. 

And yet, I am so grateful that she was here, and that she created, and inspired others to create. And that she left such a gorgeous legacy in her work, which I get to keep exploring. 

And so, because of Amy, I am motivated to Always Trust Magic, Beckon the Lovely, Connect, Do, Embrace the Empty Space, Figure It Out As I Go, and Go To It (from Amy's 7 Notes on Life TEDxWaterloo talk). 

In love and light,

Jilly

Birthday celebrations

Today is my 42nd birthday.

I was treated to beautiful Indian food with friends last night, and this morning, to sleeping in, thick coffee, bacon and eggs, handmade cards and love notes, calls and texts from extended family, belly rubs with Morris, and an otherwise leisurely morning. Simple and perfect. 

The older I get, the less fuss there is about my birthday. This year I found myself almost forgetting my birthday was coming, and as a result, it is the least fussy ever. I think with so much energy directed toward myself over the past two months, I was eager for a quiet weekend of not-much-ed-ness. 

I've been craving normal. I had wanted to experience the full moon fully, and I had options to attend a number of full moon workshops today and tonight, but I've felt drawn to stay home. To introvert. To reflect. Pause. Be. 

I'm thankful that I get to see this birthday. It was touch and go there for awhile. While I still need a second surgery in the coming weeks, my doctors are confident that will be the end of my journey with cervical cancer. 

So, I'm setting up my reclaimed home office, grooving to this song while I do it, researching chicken coop plans and laying hen breeds in preparation for spring, and watching the clock to pick up C from her second school friend's birthday party of the weekend.

And then maybe some sushi for supper. 

My gift to you:

If you're looking for a treat for yourself, here are my recommendations from my days binge-watching Netflix and other sources while I recovered from surgery:

Captain Fantastic. Simply gorgeous. Beautiful script. Brilliant performances, especially Viggo Mortensen and all the kids. Funny. Sad. Thought-provoking. My kinda movie. 

The OA. Just watch it. Mesmerizing. Can't wait for season two.

13th. Now I understand more so why America is the way it is. Wow. And I have a deeper understand of why #BlackLivesMatter.  

Abstract: The Art of Design. If you have any interest in any kind of design at all, check this series out. 

Be Here Now. A beautiful tribute to a beautiful life. Andy Whitfield, who played Spartacus and soared to Hollywood fame, chronicles his family's journey with lymphoma. It's a love story. You'll never look at butterflies the same way again. 

Enjoy.

In love and light,

Jilly

Cosmic shifts and now what?

Not dying creates a real problem.

You have to live.

You have to keep figuring life out. You have to decide who you are and who you want to be and how you want to impact the world and what you want to do. 

I was happy to not die. Trust me. I was VERY relieved to wake up. Even if I was puking and sore and bruised and oozing fluids from my ladyparts. Waking up was gross and painful and messy and joyful.

I had such an emotional build-up to surgery and the possibility that I might not wake up (it happens...see Bill Paxton as a recent and very real example), that when I woke up, I realized I needed to REALLY wake up and make a new plan...for living. 

As a typical (over-)planner, I congratulated myself on NOT planning beyond surgery, other than for the worst-case-scenario. I felt compelled to plan for the messy and hard parts of my potential death, as a way to ease the burden that would be placed on my loved ones. Beyond that, I didn't make any definite plans for the rest of the year...when I'd be back at work, only tentative dates with my coaching clients, no for-sure family vacations,  or commitments to playshops or retreats or other endeavours and adventures.

And now I find myself in a state of utter and complete possibility. What a gift. 

And, it feels like I have to get this right, given the chance. The possibility of dying is a wake up call to make better choices. To live life on purpose, on my purpose. In alignment with who I am and what I'm here to do. Living consciously. Living intentionally. Making the world a better place, even if in small ways. 

I don't want to get too far ahead of myself. I mean, I still have to wait for biopsy results and next steps in terms of potential treatment and monitoring, but my intuition tells me things are going to be okay. 

But, the weird solar eclipse/new moon in Pisces stuff that happened a couple days ago created some shifts in my focus. I'm not completely knowledgeable about or even fully believing in the interpretations of the influences of the cosmos on our lives, but there is something to be said for another source of information to enlighten our perspectives. Another framework through which to view our lives, emotions, desires, disappointments.

The messages of the recent cosmic activity are of releasing the old and designing the new; of closing a chapter of our lives and writing a new one for the future; of making up or breaking up (romantic or other relationships, including with ourselves). All good stuff. Truthfully, this could be anyone's focus at anytime, but with the power of Pisces (my sign!) behind me, it feels like the right time to be consciously focusing on these aspects of my life.

So, for the next several months, I feel drawn to focusing on, refining, honouring, creating and clarifying the following:

1. My relationship with myself. This includes giving myself care, real care as I need it, before I need it, to heal my body, grow my love of self, and be healthy in all aspects of the word. This means accepting help. Asking for help. Making priority time for movement, rest and nourishment. Being more than just a mom or manager or coach or wife. Embracing all of me and leveraging my strengths. 

2. My marriage and connection to my spouse. This June, we will have been together for 15 years. There has been magic, and it hasn't all been easy. No marriage is. As we celebrate our time together and plan for the future, I want to be clear about what this marriage is and isn't, what our roles and expectations are, and how we will continue to grow as individuals and as a couple. Better communication. More fun. Amazing intimacy. A true partnership. 

3. How I will serve in this world. I've had so many ideas bouncing around my head about programs and courses and playshops and ways to make a difference in this world. I've wanted to create an online course for people to get clear about their lives. I've wanted to create an in-person women's circle for nourishment and connection. I've wanted to create playful space for deeper conversations between couples and singles, deeper date nights. I've wanted to focus on EOL coaching. I've wanted to lead a meditation group. I've wanted to expand my art-based playshops. I've wanted to write more and publish my book(s). It's time to make these things real. That means creating disciplined creative time, finding workshop spaces with the right feel, building content, learning the technology to share, collaborating with others, contacting the publisher and just going for it. Knowing that my gifts and how I deliver these ideas in my unique way will bring more peace and connection and love to the world. 

So, stay tuned for what's coming next! It won't be perfect, by any means. And that's just fine. It will be raw and real and it will grow into what it needs to be in the world right now. 

Read more interpretations and explanations of the February 26 Solar Eclipse/New Moon in Pisces curated by MYSTICMAMMA.com.   

In love and light,

Jilly