Day 7: Trust is Everything
With a new puppy, just like being on poop patrol, trust-building is a full-time job.
And, like most relationships, it is foundational to everything. (Trust, that is; not poop patrol.)
There's a 3-3-3 guideline provided by the rescue through which we adopted Suzanne: It takes 3 day to decompress; 3 weeks to learn our routine; and 3 months to feel comfortable as part of our pack/household.
The biggest job we have as new puppy family is to build trust with our new addition. She needs to learn that we will tend to her basic needs, not harm her, keep her safe and stimulate her mind. She needs to learn how our household works, what's on and off limits, and how to behave out in public. It can be the difference between life and death: being under voice control and safe, or chasing a squirrel into traffic; sticking by our side or being mauled by a bigger dog; being well-adjusted or fearful and aggressive.
Ever moved to a new community or country, or started a new school or job? Remember that feeling of being untethered, unsure, unsupported? Now imagine not speaking the language, sleeping in a strange bed in a strange room in a strange house with strange people, eating strange food, and not knowing if you'll see your family again or how long it will last. That's the first few days of being an adopted puppy.
It's when dogs (and people) don't feel trust that they shift into survival mode: the world feels big and strange and scary and unsafe and so they make choices that reflect that worldview. When a puppy trusts their new family, they can live joyfully, and simply BE puppies.
Puppies (and people) also need to learn to trust themselves. This is where people tend to get hung up a lot more than dogs! Suzanne seems to be on a good track toward self-trust. There's a visible confidence in her when she tried to jump onto our sofa, even after she failed, like, 30 times before getting it.
It's the same with other physical feats: leaping from a wet log across a small creek to the bank on the other side, tackling our staircases -- first going up, then coming down, until she could do it without hesitation at either end, and tentatively approaching a big dog, having a few sniffs, then assuming the play pose and barking at the dog if it isn't reciprocating.
We can see her trust in us and in herself in the way she leaps willingly into the car for an adventure -- a stark contrast to the first few rides with screeches, whimpers and whines. And when she ambles into her kennel and lays down for a nap or to sleep for the night, rather than hiding under the sofa or wailing to be let out. And we can especially see it when one of us comes home and she greets us...like she's glad to see us and she might actually like us.
We've worked hard to be consistent with her, to explain what we're doing and why, to model how to manage our energy and behaviour for each situation. By stating our intentions, they become real and clear and transparent to us AND to her. We're trying to ensure our behaviour matches our words, so even if she doesn't understand the sounds we're making, she can sense the intention. And that creates trust.
The Rest of Our Lives
So, what lessons can be applied to the rest of our lives, whether or not we have a puppy in our homes? Here are some questions that may help you consider the level of trust in your life, and where it may need to be strengthened.
Our Households and Families
How have you created trust in your household?
Where has trust been upheld or broken in your household?
How might you strengthen trust within your household, so all members feel safe, acknowledged and able to fully express themselves, without fear of retribution?
Our Businesses and Workplaces
What role does trust play in your business or workplace?
Why do you customers or team members trust you? How do you know?
How could you create more or stronger trust between your team or customers and yourself?
Ourselves
In what ways do you have complete trust in yourself -- you ability, your capacity, your strength?
When have you broken trust with yourself? How might you forgive yourself for that and rebuild trust in yourself?
What else?
Where else are you seeing a need for restored, repaired or strengthened trust? Share your thoughts with me by replying, or posting on my social channels. Let’s keep this conversation going.
The bottom line: Trust is foundational to everything.
Puppy Update:
I’m happy to report that Suzanne seems to have settled in and trusts us implicitly. Except maybe when we head to the bathtub with her…